Is weight gain inevitable when your whole world gets turned upside down? After all, weight loss is tough enough when everything in your life is turning up roses. Taking a break from your weight loss plan is tempting during difficult circumstances. But doing this will likely make things far worse. I’m here to tell you that you can prevent weight gain, even when disaster strikes.
October 10, 2023, should have been a happy day. I had put the finishing touches on The Laid Back Guide to Weight Loss Maintenance. It was a book I had worked on for years. I was nervous. I always am after I finish a book. No matter how hard I work on a manuscript, self-doubt always creeps in. Who am I to write a book on maintenance? How do I know I’ll keep it off? Will this book help anyone? I shook my head and reminded myself to enjoy the moment and stop being so neurotic.
My phone’s ringing interrupted my thoughts. It was my dad’s voice on the other end. The doctor had found a tumor on his esophagus. I wanted to be strong, but instead, I fell apart. When I got off the phone, I felt ravenous. The old me, the obese me, would have gone straight to the kitchen and fixed myself a snack. It wouldn’t have been a huge binge. I would have eaten a little something to feel better.
But I wasn’t obese anymore. I had lost 80 pounds and I was endeavoring to keep it off for the rest of my life. In the book I had just written, I kept harping on the importance of the little decisions. They make the difference between weight loss and weight gain. I had a choice to make: go have a snack or go for a walk. I walked out the door and finished my step goal. After that, I added this passage to the epilogue:
As I was making the final edits to this manuscript, I got a phone call that contained troubling news about the health of someone very close to me. Rough waters are ahead. My first thought after I got off the phone was to ransack the pantry. Instead, I had a good cry, prayed, and finished my steps for the day. In the coming days, there will be powerful temptations to slide back into my old ways. But I’ll keep weighing, walking my 6 miles, and doing my best to eat the right amount through it all. I will keep painting my post. Some days I will fail. Some days I will succeed. Hopefully, I strike the right balance.
As I uploaded the manuscript to Amazon, I wondered what the future held. I had a feeling things were about to get really bad. I was right. My dad’s tumor turned out to be cancerous. He made it through several hellish months of chemo, followed by surgery to remove the tumor. He made it through the surgery, and for a brief moment, it looked like everything was going to be okay. And then he developed an infection, followed by a pulmonary embolism. He coded and never regained consciousness. He passed away after a month in the ICU.
That was six months ago. The past year has been, in a word, devastating. I still have days where all I want to do is lay on the couch and cry. Or drown my sorrows with a tube of Tollhouse cookie dough. I’ve wanted to skip out on my walks. Plenty of times I’ve wanted to take a break from weighing. The temptations to go back to old bad habits have been constant. And yet, as I write this, my 7-day average is only half a pound higher than it was when my dad told me his terrible news.
I have learned from this experience that weight gain is not inevitable. It comes down to the little choices you make. You can prevent weight gain, even when the going gets rough. Here are the things that helped me the most.
#1. Stay Aware of the Weight
One simple daily task was the most important thing I did. It was the simplest action, too. It took less than a minute. I weighed in every morning. (With the exceptions of a 4-day period and 3-day period when I didn’t have access to a scale. This was when we were traveling to visit my dad, and then later to attend his funeral.)
Weighing was important because it helped me calibrate my eating during this time. In good times, I can pay attention to satiety, and that keeps my weight in check. If I feel hungry, I know I need to eat more. If I’m too full, I know I ate too much. But when things are tough, I have difficulty discerning hunger from sadness. If the scale trended up, I cut back on how much I ate, even if I felt hungry.
The scale is your friend. He’ll tell you the truth, whether or not you feel like hearing it. When things are hectic and you’re emotional, the scale will give you the objective data you need. If it tells you you’re overeating, pay attention. Weight gain will only make a bad situation worse.
#2. Resist The Urge To Turn Back Into a Couch Potato
Most days, I woke up feeling tired. Blah. Not always sad, but rarely feeling motivated. Most of the time, the idea of walking 6 miles felt like a slog. At one point, I switched from walking 6 miles to swimming 50 laps daily. I just needed something different to do.
My deal with myself was I could be sedentary after I finished my 6 miles or 50 laps. I usually felt much better afterward. I paid special attention to that. The next day I could remind myself that I felt better after exercising. That made it easier to get out there again.
Forward motion decreases anxiety. Going for a simple walk around the block will help you feel better. Exercise in general increases endorphins, which put you in a better mood. And a good mood keeps you taking the right actions.
#3. Stay The Course
I generally love the freedom maintenance mode provides. I like experimenting with various eating regimens (16:8, 18:6, 2MAD, and even 3MAD). But, experimentation when my life is chaotic is a recipe for gaining weight. So, I decided that for the duration of this hard time, I would stick to Old Reliable:
- OMAD 5 days a week
- 2MAD on Saturday
- Cheat day on Sunday
- Walk 6 miles a day Monday through Saturday
- Coffee with half and half whenever I want it throughout the day
In general, I was consistent with this. Some days I missed my step goal for no good reason. There were days when I did 2MAD instead of OMAD. There were days when I ate too much at my meal(s). I’d give myself a B- for the year. The key was that I had a plan and I did my best to stick to it.
Always have a written plan, whether you’re trying to lose weight or maintain your loss. Do the plan you know works, and follow it as best you can. It’s an act of self-care.
#4. Feel The Feelings
It took effort, but I resisted the urge to bottle up my emotions. I really wanted to just withdraw and not feel anything. Instead, I let myself be sad, angry, upset, disappointed, and happy, as I felt the need. Journaling, crying, talking things out, and praying helped me process it all. At the same time, I knew wallowing would not be helpful. So, I stayed busy with projects around the house.
We’re all human, and we all have emotions. Sad times call for sadness. It’s healthy to let yourself work through all the emotions you’re dealing with. The more work you do here, the less emotional eating will rear its ugly head.
#5. Stay Self-Compassionate
It’s tricky, knowing when you cross the line of being self-compassionate into being overly lax. It’s a gray area. I found it most helpful to ask myself where actions would lead.
For example, if I didn’t want to walk that day, I would ask myself, “Is that what’s best for me? If I don’t go on my walk, what do I plan to do?” Usually, the answer was, “Sit on the couch and throw a pity party.” In that situation, the self-compassionate thing was to pull myself out the door and go for a walk.
Give yourself what you need during hard times. You do not need weight gain, so avoid the choices that will put the pounds back on. Let yourself take a nap. You’ll make better choices when you have enough rest. If you find you overate, do not browbeat yourself. Look at it as an opportunity to learn about yourself.
Going through hard times does not mean weight gain will happen. It comes down to reminding yourself that you are in control of the actions you take every day. If you choose the ones that support your weight goals, you will not gain. Continuing the work while you’re going through a hard time will strengthen you. And trust me, you need all the strength you can get.
If you’re going through a hard time, I highly recommend the book Grit by Angela Duckworth. It gives practical advice about how to become more mentally resilient. It’s a well-researched, yet easy-to-read book that I found helpful amid the turmoil.