[spoiler title=’Click for video transcript’ style=’default’ collapse_link=’true’] has your wife put on a lot of weight since you got married and you just don’t know how to ask her to lose some weight in today’s video I’ll give you the female perspective on exactly what you should do now this is a common thing that guys wonder about because it’s very common for a woman to gain weight after she gets married and this is a really sensitive topic it’s hard to know how to bring this stuff up so it’s good that you’re looking for the right way to do it but I’ve seen a lot of bad advice given by other men to men about how they should approach their wives about this and I can tell you because you know back in 2014 I weighed over 220 pounds and I’ve lost 80 pounds since then that had my husband taken any of the advice that I’ve seen so far on this topic it would have really hurt my feelings and really hurt my marriage and here’s the thing you’re approaching this as a man and as a man you probably think hey if my wife wanted me to lose a few pounds no problem like she can ask me anytime she wants it’s not a big deal right but you have to understand that men and women are different our brains are different we are wired differently you know the best way I’ve heard it explained is like this as a man your brain is kind of like separated into boxes and every aspect of your life is just in a different box like your work box is separate from your marriage box which is separate from your weight box which is separate from your religion box but women on the other hand our brains are like spaghetti and what I mean by that is everything touches everything is interwoven so we receive things differently than you so for example if you say to us hey sweetie could you lose a few pounds because you’ve gained a lot of weight since we got married what she’ll hear is something like you’re a horrible wife and I find you not desirable at all and by the way you’re setting a really bad example for our kids because of how much you weigh in other words when you ask her to lose weight it’s almost like rejecting her completely as a human being but you might be thinking look you don’t understand she has gained a lot of weight like a lot a lot of weight and now she’s obese and I’m actually worried about her health and I need to tell her that way she knows and here’s what you need to understand she already knows she already is aware of her weight and look she is looking at her body every single day she gets a close-up view of it all day long as women we are under a constant barrage from Hollywood media every desirable woman you see pretty much on the cover of a men’s magazine or a women’s magazine or in any movie is a woman who’s like a size zero and who has been heavily heavily photoshopped meaning those images aren’t really real but we think of them as the female ideal and so she understands that her body is not like that body and another thing you need to understand is if you’ve never struggled with your weight it’s not as simple and as easy as you may think you may think oh just cut back on the chips no big deal but a lot of times being overweight is just a symptom of some much larger more complex issues and a lot of times there is a lot of emotion involved a lot of times people who have struggled with their weight have had things in childhood that it still hurts their feelings you know mean comments that were made about their weight or embarrassing things that happened because of their weight and there may be a lot of pain there that you simply don’t know about and again that rejection she’s gonna feel if you ask her to lose weight is going to compound any emotional eating problems that she has because you’ve just stressed her out you’ve rejected her and it’s going to be really hard for her not to eat more and gain more weight because of it and by the way if she has had children at this point and you’re comparing her body to how it used to be you need to understand that a woman’s body changes permanently after she has children stretch marks are there for the rest of your life even if they kind of fade they’re still there because they’re scars and a woman’s body just gets stretched out and without major surgery she just has to get used to her new body so I would encourage you to do the same and another reason may want to think twice before you ask your wife to lose weight is that it will likely be very detrimental to your sex life that area is all about being confident in yourself and you are going to wipe out her self-confidence what little she may have left at this point if you mention it but I get it you’re probably feeling really frustrated right now and you’re thinking well what am I supposed to do how am I supposed to phrase it the right way so she’s not gonna feel rejected and the answer is you can’t you just don’t ask her don’t ask her to lose weight but there are things that you can do that will really help your wife and will create an environment where it will be a lot easier for her to take the steps to lose weight the first thing you can do is learn to love her well and accept her exactly as she is you know when you got married you said for better or for worse you didn’t say as long as you stay at the weight you’re at right now and right now if you feel like you’re trying really hard to show her that you love her but it is just is seeming like it’s not landing check out the book five love languages by dr. Gary Chapman that book has changed so many marriages because we communicate our love in different ways so it may just be that you’re communicating love in a language she just doesn’t understand the second thing you can do is look at your wife’s life overall look at all the different areas and ask yourself what may be stressing her out remember that everything touches so for example if right now your financial life is in shambles like maybe you’re going into lots and lots of debt that’s gonna stress your wife out and that’s gonna make her want to stress eat if she’s an emotional eater and look at her day to day life I mean is she taking on too much and if she is then start helping out and I would encourage you to give her time just to herself just to be able to do whatever she wants to do do not say hey I’ll watch the kids for an hour while you go to the gym that ain’t gonna work that is not going to be helpful instead say hey I’ve got the kids right now you go and do whatever you want to do just take some time for yourself and she will love you for it even if it’s hard for her at first if you consistently do this you consistently show that when she gets back the kids are okay and everything’s okay she’s gonna want to do it more often the best thing you can do is just create a loving secure environment for her so that she can thrive and so that she can lose weight if she so chooses if you become the type of husband that she can open up to and be vulnerable with she’s much more likely to have success on the weight loss journey and she’s gonna be much more likely to keep it off because all those issues that were the underlying issues as to why she gained weight in the first place are going to be dealt with thank you for watching this video I hope it was helpful [/spoiler]
Video Notes
- Do not ask your wife to lose weight.
- Remember that women’s brains aren’t compartmentalized like yours. She will likely read far more into your request than you think she will.
- Create a loving, secure environment so that she can lose weight more easily if she so chooses.
- Help out around the house, give her time to go do things by herself, and encourage her.
- Remember that many times weight gain is tied to other emotional issues, and untangling all this takes time and can be challenging for your wife mentally as well as physically.