Dear Kayla,
After struggling with my weight for more than 20 years, I feel that I have finally found a way of life that could work for me. My question is regarding the cheat day. I had my first cheat day yesterday and did not restrict myself. I enjoyed French toast with my family, lunch, and a nice Sunday dinner. It was wonderful to have that freedom and also humility. However, I did have several high-sugar snacks, including the afternoon and after dinner. Do you recommend any boundaries on the cheat day? I.e.. no snacking, or stop eating after dinner to begin the next fast. Iām asking this question because I did sense that I was reverting back to my habits of eating out of boredom, and a little fear of restriction knowing my fasting would begin again on Monday. Thank you.
Signed, Auntie E
Dear Auntie E,
Thank you for asking this question. In hindsight, my decision to take a weekly cheat day was one of the most important of my entire weight loss journey. Before I got clear on my plan in 2016, I was a perfectionist, and proud of it. But this all-or-nothing mentality was a big reason why I always struggled with my weight. When my weight was high, I would decide to go on a diet. I would white-knuckle my way down to my goal weight. I felt miserable and resentful of the restriction the entire time. Then either Iād hit my goal weight, or get sick of the plan, fall off the wagon, and quit completely. Iād go back to eating the way I wanted and the pounds would come back on, fast and furious.
Cheat days were a way to introduce purposeful imperfection into my plan. The message I wanted myself to receive, loud and clear, was that my eating did not have to be perfect every single day. I could have a whole day off, every week, and still achieve my goals. My first cheat days were much like yours. A big breakfast, lunch, supper, and snacks. This was the whole point of a cheat day, after all. In the beginning, it served as a pressure-relief valve of sorts. After fasting all week, it was time to feast! This system of rewarding myself each Sunday made the other 6 days feel much easier. Fasting every day, even when it makes you feel great, can get monotonous. This is especially true if the rest of your family is not fasting.
There were other benefits, though. Cheat days gave me a taste of the āreal world.ā It showed me what my decision-making process would look like during holidays, vacations, and sicknesses. Cheat days taught me that I can always justify a bite here, a taste there, a snack here, and a snack there. These things, if done once a week do not move the needle. Those same decisions, repeated day in, day out over the course of years would lead me back to obesity. This has served as a good reminder for me of why intermittent fasting works so well in my life for the long term.
Of course, this presents a dilemma. Once youāre aware of a tendency to eat for reasons other than hunger, you can start to overthink every bite on cheat day. This is not good. I remember after I had been working my plan for a month or so, I tried ābeing goodā on cheat day a few times. For example, my husband would make a big bowl of buttery popcorn, which I definitely wanted to share with him. Instead, Iād exercise my willpower and say no thanks. But then you know what I discovered later on in the week? Iād be in the middle of my fasting window and would find myself thinking about having a little snack. I justified it to myself by pointing out that I didnāt have that popcorn on cheat day. That thought and those like it led me to a decision. In the future, Iād err on the side of having a snack when I wanted one on cheat day rather than forego it. I found that those temptations to break the fast early went away after that.
Over time, I paid attention to how I felt before, during, and after the snacks I had on cheat day, and I learned a lot. One thing that happened was that over time, snacks lost a lot (though not all) of their appeal. When snacks are forbidden, they can have quite an allure. But if you give yourself the snack on cheat day, it can remind you that itās not so bright and shiny after all. Another thing I learned is that sometimes I enjoy a snack. Popcorn is not a meal, but I do want it in my life. The same goes for marinated goat cheese and a glass of wine.
My philosophy is that intermittent fasting is a tool that helps me to maintain a healthy weight. I am grateful to have it in my toolbelt. But I also want to be capable of having snacks with my husband when appropriate. I want to have the ability to eat the proper amount in any given situation I find myself in. Cheat day has been the ideal training ground for this. There have been plenty of days when I eat too much or too often. But over time Iāve gotten much better at eating for the right reasons and in the right amounts without overthinking it. Iām still nowhere near perfect, and thatās okay.
So, Auntie E, what boundaries should you have on cheat day? Thatās a question only you can answer for yourself. I have one boundary: do not eat to the point of misery. I donāt cut off my eating at a certain time, and I donāt limit myself to a certain number of times of eating. If I overdo it, I learn from it, forgive myself, and move on. I encourage you to experiment and see what works for you!
Sincerely,
Kayla
Originally published May 30, 2023
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