Dear Kayla,
Ha! I unsubscribed from your newsletter, thinking I didn’t need ongoing support and inspiration. I immediately started to struggle with my eating again. I think just seeing your e-mail in my inbox each week, even if I don’t read it, is some sort of reminder to my brain to stay focused and on track. Apart from the known time it takes to develop new habits, why do we need so much support to do something that is good for us?? It’s frustrating that it doesn’t become a natural part of life once you decide, “I’m doing this instead of this now,” and you sincerely mean it; you’re not just trying to convince your mind that you mean it. I am tired of the burden of food in my life…thinking about it, trying not to think about it, the literal weight you feel when you eat too much. I just want to be free from the slavery of food. Thank you for the sincerity and honesty in helping others to get there.
Signed,
Mentally Tired
Dear Mentally Tired,
Let’s take the easier task first. The way to be free from the burden of food is to stop of thinking of food as a burden. I remember feeling the same way you do. A change of mindset helped me. I switched to an attitude of gratitude. I am grateful that our problem is a superabundance of food instead of starvation and want, which has been mankind’s problem throughout history.
Thinking about food and worrying about food can consume your life. The antidote: fill your life to the brim with things other than food. Read, write, and have conversations with people you care about. Volunteer your spare time to your church or a charity. Get outside and into nature. In short, be too busy to brood about food.
The second part of your letter is the challenging question. Why can’t we change our habits permanently and at once?
Three quotes come to mind:
“Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character.” Heraclitus circa 500 B.C.
“For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.” St. Paul, A.D. 57.
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” -Zig Ziglar (circa 1980s)
These three quotes point to this being a universal problem. They’re hitting on the pain you and I and everyone who has ever tried to improve themselves has felt. We know what we should do. Why is it so hard to do it?
When we’re in a good habit, the battle is not over. We’ll feel tempted to backslide at every turn. Our warm beds will invite us to hit the snooze button and skip out on our morning walk. The donuts in the break room will whisper to us to break our fast early. The very culture around us encourages overeating, overspending, slothfulness, and negative thinking. What are we to do?
Three things have helped me:
#1. I put positive things in my mind.
Throughout this weight loss journey, I’ve read books on motivation, good habit formation, and inspiring stories. Most self-help/motivational books say the same things. I still find them helpful. I need the reminders. Here’s a list of books I recommend that helped me.
#2. I keep negative things out of my mind.
I limit my consumption of movies and tv shows, and I’m picky about what I watch. YouTube is full of rabbit holes, so I limit my time on there too. Facebook and Instagram were messing with my mental health, so I closed my accounts. I do not hang around with negative people, and I avoid toxic environments.
#3. I hold myself accountable.
Every day I ask myself this question: if I were to watch a movie of my day yesterday, would I see myself doing things that are moving me towards my goals? If the answer is no, I course correct. If the answer is yes, I remind myself this is when I’ll feel tempted to rest on my laurels, and let my habits slip.
In short, Mentally Tired, our work is never finished. As long as we’re on this earth, we’ll have to slog it out with ourselves.
Sincerely,
Kayla
PS: I hope this newsletter is always helpful. But if you ever find that it is in any way taking away from your peace instead of adding to it, the right thing to do is to unsubscribe.