In 2014, I wanted to start jogging again. Back in college, I had been in the best shape of my life, and one of my habits was to jog on a regular basis. A decade had elapsed now, and I was obese. I figured one way I could lose weight was to make my daily life look as much as possible like it did in my college days. But I had a fear that was holding me back. I was afraid that if I got out there and jogged, I would fall. That was my biggest jogging related fear. I had others of course. I was afraid people would be watching me jog and laugh at my belly flopping up and down as I lumbered down the road. I was afraid that I would injure myself, and the medical bills would ruin us financially. But it was the thought of falling that terrified me. I could think of nothing more humiliating.
In my mind’s eye, I could see it all unfold. I would be trying desperately to force oxygen into my lungs while I pushed my body forward with each blundering stride. I’d miss an obstacle in the road, and then I would fall. The fall wouldn’t injure me. It was the other people around me, mocking me that would do me in. They were all in perfect shape, and would burst out laughing and make remarks like, “Look at her! Why is she even trying?” Of course, to top it off, someone would have caught the whole disaster with their phone, and would immediately post it online. The YouTube video title would be “Fat Girl Falls While Running” and I would be made the laughingstock of the world, bringing shame to me, my husband, and my children.
Ralph Waldo Emerson is credited with saying, “Do the thing we fear, and the death of fear is certain.” I realized I could either stay afraid of falling while jogging for the rest of my life, or I could just get out there and try. I made up my mind. I laced up my shoes, pushed myself out the door, and started my run. After ten minutes in the Florida heat, I was red faced and pouring sweat. It felt good to be out there, even though I had trouble breathing and a pang in my side. Pain is weakness leaving the body, I told myself as I continued on.
Fear stabbed my heart when I saw two fit women power walking up ahead. I was going as fast as I could, and I was barely gaining on them. I knew that I was going to have to pass them, and it was going to take an embarrassing amount of time. My earbuds blessedly prevented my hearing any comments they were making as I overtook them. After what seemed like an eternity, I was a good distance in front of them. And then it happened. My toe caught on the uneven pavement, and down I went. THUD!
My worst fear was coming true. I was horrified. I looked around. The two ladies had turned off on a side road. I was alone. No camera had captured the incident. I was fine. My pride was the only thing that was bruised. I got up, dusted myself off, and continued on my run.
I learned something that day. Sometimes the thing you’re afraid is going to happen does happen. This time, it wasn’t as nearly as scary as I imagined it would be. Afterwards, I was stronger for it. My fear of falling was gone, and I became a little bit braver. My little victory that day gave me the strength I needed in the future as I endeavored to lose the weight that had been holding me back. I was able to continue facing my fears, and my world expanded as a result. Whenever I’m nervous about trying something new, I remind myself of that day, and I find the courage I need to make the attempt.
